Geoff's Dream Blog
- Name: Geoff
- Location: Kent, United Kingdom
A 50 year old wet blanket.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Friday, June 09, 2006
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
I break down on the roundabout in Basingstoke. There is a man there in flagrante with a car exhaust.
He asks me whether I'm dogging.
I tell him he's barking up the wrong tree.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Sunday, April 30, 2006
I am in the basement of a public house, a room in which informal poetry readings are held.
Tonight is special as there is rumoured to be an appearance by poet/singer, Morrissey. We wait in eager anticipation of seeing and hearing the great man reading out lines from his classic songs.
There is a commotion in a room to my right: the pub's kitchen. We hear what sounds like the quacking of a duck. It is a duck and it waddles under the swing doors, swiftly followed by Morrissey, chin jutting in anger, holding a meat cleaver above his head, and screaming at the top of his voice, "THEY ALWAYS LET ME DOWN!"
This horrible scene is cut short by a hefty bouncer's knee connecting with the duck hater's groin. The cleaver drops from the singer's hand and misses the terrified duck by a mere three inches.
As Morrissey is bundled into the kitchen, the MC climbs onstage and says, "Sorry folks, I'm afraid tonight's gig is cancelled."
We all boo like cows with bunged up noses, but the MC calms us down with the following words:
"But a little treat for you next week. Keep this under your hats, but next Saturday the one and only Ted Nugent will be reading Under Milk Wood."
We whoop and whoop and whoop.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
T Rextasy: The UK's No 1 Live Tribute Band (as voted on BBC1's Battle Of The Fantasy Bands)
I am at a Glam Rock Tribute Nite at Crayford Town Hall. The bands are all reasonably local as they have to get up for work in the morning.
The line-up is as follows:-
1. The Bromleyan Roxy Music (all except the drummer are ex-Bromley Contingent)
2. The Dartfordian Sweet (whose lead singer's real name is Brian Conley - I'm not kidding)
3. The Crayfordian Slade (ex-Oasis tribute band Sally Can't Wait)
4. Eltham John (originally from Leek, Staffordshire - moved to Eltham in 1992 to further his career)
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
I am hothousing my 4 year old for Junior Mastermind.
And while he's there he can fucking water the plants.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Thursday, February 16, 2006
I am walking along, minding my own business, when a large skinhead approaches me and asks me where I got my Little Brown Bag.
"Sanny Claus gave it me," I say.
"Can Sanny Claus get me one?" he replies.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Friday, February 10, 2006
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Monday, February 06, 2006
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
I answer the phone. It is a woman from another department.
"Are you sitting on a cheque from Mrs Cramp-Iron?" she asks.
"We don't sit on cheques in the Accounts Department," I say. "Any cheques we can't allocate we send to your department."
"You've sat on cheques in the past," she says. "Can you go and check?"
Angrily, I put the phone down. I stand up. I feel something on the seat of my trousers. I pull it off.
It is a cheque from Mrs Cramp-Iron.