I am at the breakfast table with my sitcom family. Dad's such a wally, always putting his foot in it. And Mum, she holds the family together with her common sense. And my little sister Sam's dreamily in love with her new boyfriend Adam, who wears his hood at all times and I've never seen his ears. And then there's my older brother Craig. He's got his penis on his plate, pretending it's a sausage. He asks us if any of us want it as he's full to the brim.