Rolf Harris asks me if I can swim. I say I've got a perforated eardrum. He says he's got three fucking legs but it never stopped him.
posted by Geoff | 7:52 AM
Geoff's Dream Blog
Aegri Somnia
Aegri Somnia
posted by Geoff | 7:52 AM
24 Comments:
Georff, If Rolf Harris asks you for a swimming race politely decline. As well as being an entertainer, friend of the animal kingdom and one of history's most-famous artists, wasn't Rolf some kind of Olympic standard swimmer in his youth? Or am I talking out of my Didgeridoo?
Australian junior backstroke champion apparently, Wyndham. And I'm a rubbish swimmer. I'd beat him in a penalty shoot-out, though.
i was on the backstroke team at primary school, despite nearly drowning twice.
so i'd give rolf a run for his money. unless he sang "two little boys" halfway through the first length - it makes me cry and would be distracting.
I used to watch from the sidelines at primary school as I always conveniently had verrucas. I was always impressed by the kids taking off their pyjamas and using them as floats, though. I think if I got in the pool with Rolf he'd have to be singing 'Stairway to Heaven'.
my stepsister (who was a bit thick) took a full-length nylon nighty instead of pj's. how we laughed as she thrashed helplessly, entangled in yards of man-made fibres in the deep end of the pool.
If Rolf interrupted my swimming lesson by singing Two Little Boys I'd drown him...
I'd give him a good rolfing: Hit him over the head with his wobble board, stick his didgeridoo where the sun don't shine, and electrocute him with his stylophone. All whilst singing Leo Sayer's 'One Man Band'.
If I did that, I'd just continually shout: "Can you tell what it is yet?! Can you tell what it is yet?!"
At least he wasn't singing Stairway to Heaven... Chin-up! (that also helps with the swimming).
I think you are all being a bit unfair to Mr Harris, who seems a nice enough sort. Besides, wasn't "Sun Arise" supposed to be a seminal song, according to er ... Robert Wyatt? Mark Smith? Someone dead grumpy, anyway.
Has Mark E Smith ever seen a sun-ah rise-ah?
If Geoff interrupted my swimming lesson by singing One Man Band I'd rolf him...
I knew there'd be a backlash. Or should that be 'back splash'?
What with everyone rolfing Rolf, Geoff, and now possibly Leo Sayer, there must be rivers of blood in the shallow end by now. Why hasn't the poolside attendant blown his whistle yet?
He's been learning rock guitar from Blair of the Fourth Form. He thinks he might pick up a few tips...
I can hear The Fall singing Jake The Peg, in my head right now. Urk. Come and listen.
"Hey, the poor little fella's been pulled out of the canal, but the good news is, he's gonna be all right! See ya next week!"
Wobbleboard, surfboard, what's the differenc?.
Sounds good to me. How do I get into your head? Do I need a ticket?
I imagine the inside of Boggins' head is a bit like an early 70s free festival. No ticket required - you just have to tear down the fence and eat a lot of brown rice and vegetables...
Do I have to wear woad?
Never, ever, get inside Boggins' head! A very scary place, full of manhole covers and crack. Watch out for that Gamon fellow as well...the wheel is spinning, but the hampster is dead.
I promise I won't inhale.
My hamster died in 1968 (storing too much bedding in his tiny little cheeks).
Not woad, Geoff. Just tie-dye.
Or batik, if you're sophisticated.
" Can you guess what it is yet?" Good old Rolf, always bragging about his middle leg!
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